Buhtt sex?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
