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i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
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