Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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  (505): I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled. http://tfl.nu/wz50
  Replies (11) Good night (2791) Bad night (481)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?

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  (937): How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink? http://tfl.nu/zmgw
  Replies (61) Good night (3613) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.

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  (508): Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen. (781): I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night. (508): Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street. http://tfl.nu/mnwi
  Replies (25) Good night (1090) Bad night (2402)
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  (323): View more from California

  Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.

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  (323): Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends. http://tfl.nu/rf3y
  Replies (43) Good night (3859) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.

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  (405): I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for. http://tfl.nu/jd67
  Replies (14) Good night (3529) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low

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  (615): He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low http://tfl.nu/d44y
  Replies (14) Good night (1024) Bad night (5668) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on

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  (817): idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on http://tfl.nu/4tgi
  Replies (10) Good night (3366) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?

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  (419): I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat? http://tfl.nu/2nrh
  Replies (30) Good night (1062) Bad night (4069) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.

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  (585): The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi. http://tfl.nu/64lh
  Replies (10) Good night (3800) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  you didn't get her number why?

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  (724): So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends. (1-724): you didn't get her number why? http://tfl.nu/gt6x
  Replies (7) Good night (2695) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.

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  (801): my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god. http://tfl.nu/bqw0
  Replies (5) Good night (826) Bad night (3852) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed

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  (256): Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed http://tfl.nu/b65f
  Replies (5) Good night (2557) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.

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  (423): I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years. http://tfl.nu/oqic
  Replies (5) Good night (2815) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.

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  (814): The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out. http://tfl.nu/7070
  Replies (5) Good night (1100) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!

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  (816): One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays! http://tfl.nu/bzpk
  Replies (3) Good night (570) Bad night (186) Order T-Shirt

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