Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
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I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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