Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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