This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
