I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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