I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
