I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
