The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
