ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
