the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All the doctor said was why
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
