You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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