he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
