he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
