I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
