I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
