If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
