i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
organizing the empties. That sober.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
