Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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