my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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