the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
3pm strippers are depressing
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
