he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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