Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Did I show you my penis last night?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
