Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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