3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
