she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize