totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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