this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
