these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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