i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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