This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
