I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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