I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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