I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
