whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
