I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
