Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
