STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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