Soap is not a condiment
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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