its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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