your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
