I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
