Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
