"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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