what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
