Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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