Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
