Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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