You smell like a Billy Joel song
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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