i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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