I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
