Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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