I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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