I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
