my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
