You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
